I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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