i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
