Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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