Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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