I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
