our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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