we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
