Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
