i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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