go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize