Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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