So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
