I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
