My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
