butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
