the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
