This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
