You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
