just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
