I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
