I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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