I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
