Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
