How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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