she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
