Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
