I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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