OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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