I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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