hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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