Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
