Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
