Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
