I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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