forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
