fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
