Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
