hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize