Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
