Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
