This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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