Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize