That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
