I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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