I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he fucked my hip out of place.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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