wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
