Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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