didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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