i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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