As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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