I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
