um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
