DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
