is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
