there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
