I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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