The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
