if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
