That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize