So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In America we eat man semen.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
