I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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