tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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