I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
