Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
wat bout pragnant strippers??
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
