You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
