don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
