Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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