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Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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