Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
